‘Battleship’ Inspired Incident Leaves 17 Dead, 24 Wounded


Norfolk, VA — 17 people are dead and 24 are injured following a rather raucous game of improvised Battleship at approximately 02:45 Saturday, June 4, in a small pond in Harrisburg, Virginia.

The attempted real life revival of the classic board game allegedly involved inflatable rafts, blindfolds, and rather large stones.

Liam Hewett, a survivor of the incident and a Battleship fanatic, was unable to speak due to a fractured jaw. However, he managed to write his feelings on the matter.

“I can’t believe this has happened.” Liam wrote. “Nothing like this has ever happened B-4 (sic). I will personally C-2 (sic) it that nothing like this ever happens again.”

The investigation of the incident is still underway. John Wilson, a lieutenant in the HPD and expert on board game-themed crimes, believes that foul play was at work.

“Have you ever seen a game of Battleship with this many direct hits?” John asked. “The whole thing smells fishy. Someone must have taken off their blindfold, and I’m going to find them.”

This incident is the bloodiest case of board game-themed violence the nation has seen since 1978, when the serial killer duo “Milt and Bradley” made a giant Monopoly board out of human remains, wiping out the entire town of Plainview, Wyoming in the process.

Untrews Report – News That Could Be.


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23 years old. Connoisseur of mobile games. Lives entirely off of heavily seasoned rice and coffee.

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